Monday, April 07, 2008

a judge

The Judge imagery stood out to me twice today as I read. (Someone also mentioned Judge Dredd last night in a game, but...) It was in Psalm 1 which was cross-referenced to Psalm 9:6,8,16 and it was also in Isaiah 2.

When I read the portion in Psalms I realized that I always think of the high and lofty mid-evil idea of a king/judge in an inner court. You can kind of imagine the stone walled, drafty, tapestry, playing card bearded king imagery, right. But it also occurred to me that this wouldn't have been the image that came to mind for the Psalmist. What I understand that he would have pictured was a man who had exhibited character that all the people respected and followed like a noble-minded man who'd taken his life to a level above and beyond. He was someone that represented their values and they let him decide for them. And this person with his good friends and wise counselors would stand at the gate and guard what came in and out.

In other words I started to see this judge as a presence in the day to day life of the people he judged.

And in Isaiah the mention of God as a Judge is preceded by talking about how the entire world would flock to Zion because there would be a Judge there. Words like righteous come to mind, but what really stuck out to me is that these people would make treks from all over the world to experience this. Much like we take our modern day walk-abouts to find ourselves and seek truth and beauty in the world the idea of this passage seems to be that people would take that kind of journey to seek out a good righteousness in Jerusalem. The would say to themselves, somethings missing in my life and this thing or that thing isn't right, but -- and I don't know why -- I need to go to Jerusalem because they seem to have it there.

The last few days I've been hearing in my head "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end leads to death," which is a paraphrase of a proverb stated twice, first in Proverbs 14:12 and then in Proverbs 16:25. At first I thought that was a distraction because a week ago I heard that passage it really bothered me. I don't remember why. Maybe I thought it was misapplied. I think also I didn't like to consider what it might say about me. Whatever the reason I was starting to interpret it as sometimes we have the wrong idea and in my head a hearty, "but sometimes we are right."

I was holding onto that being right.

If I may defend the logic, I needed to see it as possible as sometimes we're right because of my past with thinking that people use religion to try to force us into their idea of what it means to be good. (yes that is a run-on sentence) I needed to think that it's possible for me to be wise and have good character because Jesus seems to think that's possible of people. He sees it in the disciples at certain times and he even sees it in Roman centurions (Matthew 8:5-13), tax collectors (Luke 19:1-10 and consider that Zaccheus translates to innocent, pure, clean or just) and Jewish teachers (Mark 12:28-34) who correctly interpret the two greatest commandments.

But evidently I didn't want to think that maybe I'd also gotten off the track of God being my judge. I didn't want a Judge. Psalm 2:3 talks about people trying to throw off "their" chords or fetters and there's only one psalmist writing at a time so I assume one of the chords they are trying to throw off is God's. This is where I realize I feel more like the unrighteous people in the the story than I do the writer.

The thought of "a way that seems right but leads to death" wouldn't leave. The distraction didn't stop distracting. And maybe that's why the idea of a judge was something that I couldn't skip past this morning.

Another thought that has thankfully also been in my head a lot lately is "without humility and honesty, nothing new happens." (From "Everything Belongs" p. 48 by Richard Rohr. So, why not shake my world a little bit consider this: a judge that people want.

I sighed with such relief at that thought. Imagine a judge with whom the wicked don't get to stand and don't get to be part of the judgment of the righteous. Imagine not having to fear fruit of a false accusation. The sigh of relief is that maybe there's a wise judge that I can go see when I feel overwhelmed or oppressed or when my life seems incomplete or when I feel accused of not fitting into something I wasn't supposed to anyway. Maybe there's a judge that I would want to travel from all over the world to go find because I might finally get an answer that satisfies.

It's a crazy idea, but what if?

The book of Judges, while a bit depressing at times tells story after story of Israel getting away from having a judge only to find out that a judge is exactly what they need.

I share this because there are a lot of seekers out there. There are a lot of people who aren't satisfied by the answers we've given in the name of our religion. It seems almost cliche to bring it up again, but the wounded are still out there looking. But my hope is that if you are really seeking you will keep seeking until you find what is true. One way you might paraphrase John 7:16-18 is that Jesus says "if you really want to know God; if you really want to know the truth you will accept what I say because I'm not saying it on My own. I'm saying it because I have to and I want to; because God sent me to say it." I believe that if you are truly seeking you will find the living God of the psalmist, of Isaiah; the God of the Bible; the God and Father of Jesus and you'll want Him to judge your life and lead you on a way that doesn't seem right yet lead to death.

posted by Scott # 5:50 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Someone else's sheep

When everything becomes so normal; when the island starts to just feel like a county; when you have a job behind a desk again; when you think about her a whole bunch it starts to feel less like a mission trip.

The other day it occurred to me that to many of the great missionaries, the amazing things they saw, the inspired things they did were part of their lives fitting into what they believed God wanted the world to look like. I imagine there were days when many amazing Jesus people doing amazing things didn't think much of what they did was that out of the ordinary. I suspect that there were days when just making sure that the flock was taken care of and the message stayed true in their walk meant a lot of tasks that didn't seem so inspired. I imagine book keeping. I imagine Stephen who was stoned for his testimony thinking that all he was doing was making sure that the widows had enough food.

Last week I had a very low point where I believed that by accepting a job that put me next to a phone and behind a desk meant that I was wasting God's gifts in my life. It turned into a full emotional breaking point and I had to rebuild. I'd discovered that my dream job of helping feed hungry people didn't actually look that glamorous. I guess I couldn't see how blessed I was. I guess I wasn't thankful for what I'd been given. I guess I thought I was signing up for a revolution.

There is, of course a point to be made that I did, in fact, sign up for a revolution. But this revolution doesn't feel like one... for anyone who was wondering.

Remember when Moses thought he was going to make a difference by vindicating an Israelite against an Egyptian?

Remember when Jacob thought he was going to fulfill God's promise by getting the birthright and the blessing?

Remember when they both ended up taking care of somebody else's sheep?

If I had to guess, I'd say that's where I am right now. I'm feeding someone else's sheep. We dream of a time where we fulfill our destiny just by getting up and driving to work. I'm very close, but it still takes a little bit more than that. I have to live certain parts of God calling for my life without getting paid for it. I guess that's how you find out if you really love doing something. You do it for free. You do so when it doesn't feel glamorous or extraordinary.

And I'm starting to like it.

posted by Scott # 3:09 AM 0 comments