Tuesday, October 18, 2005

the festivities

So, how did sukkoth go?

Maybe not the best representation of the evening. Actually it was a lot of good fun with a few folks. All the housemates showed up by time it was done and we held communion at the end and shared our struggles at some length.

I may send a few more photos over to myspace.com/scopkins at some point.

posted by Scott # 8:52 AM 0 comments

Friday, October 14, 2005

I want my art back

Last night at a meeting I realized that I want my art back. For years now I've only done design because other people said I was good. Praise from friends an family told me I should "do what I love" and the faculty at the design program in college learned not to criticise me (perhaps for my temper and defensiveness) so their lake or criticism was acquiescent affirmation. But I've found many opportunities over the years to hate what I "love to do".

I enjoy art. More than drawing I love pulling from a growing supply of resources and making something new out of something otherwise unnoticed. In the end I love to be creative.

And I want my creativity back.

I didn't know last night what I wanted it back from, but here's what I can tell you so far. I want to reclaim art from employment, from doing. I thought that meant I didn't want to do it professionally any more, but I think that's off. I want my creativity and ability to no longer be what I employ to get others to approve and redeem my value as a person. I no longer want to use my abilities (and there are many. I am good and even great at a lot of things.) to buy love. Because my abilities are far more useful and valuable than the cheap imitation love that they can buy and I've grown to hate them because if these abilities are supposed to buy me love they aren't holding the promise that I heard.

Because these promises have been broken I have become very angry. I used to be depressed and turn that anger inward, but now I unleash it on others. That's not working either. I need something that keeps the promise.

I think God intends to reveal to me in the following weeks, months, years how deep it is that He does that.

So I want my art back. My soul. And I want it Independent of any thing I do. I want it before I feel like I deserve it.

I'll tell you when I start finding that.

posted by Scott # 12:54 PM 0 comments

Monday, October 10, 2005

inspired

Open my world
To daily presentations
Of amazing in disguises of simple
And granted as taken by the rest

Of the invisible God
Revealed in missable glory

Celebrate with the rocks
If you must, my soul
But don't you even dare
To quench that yearning
with anything less.

posted by Scott # 10:27 AM 0 comments

Friday, October 07, 2005

Jesus' Birthday

I was reminded today that one very good candidate for Jesus' actuall birth is drawing near. The argument is that He would have been born some time in the midst of the festival of Succoth also known as the Festival of Booths or Tabernacles. It's the festival associated with going into the dessert and dwelling with God so it's exceptionaly joyous.

I don't think I can say conclusivly that this is true, but it has quite a bit of thematic relevance and it lines up much better with the bit's and peices that are scattered through the Gospels than December.

One website has decided to declare that the first day of the feast, Tishri 15 has to be the day.

Who am I to deny them?

but even if He came on Tishri 24 (last day of the 9-day festival) I see wisdom in celebrating Jesus in the whole festival. And given God's eagerness to visit His people I would not be at all suprised if He came on the first day.

Yeshua the Messiah. Emanuel.

God with us.

This year Tishri 15 begins at Sunset on October 17th. So go get your nine days of Jesus celebration on.

posted by Scott # 3:27 PM 0 comments

hidden gem

Here's the big insight on God for the day:

God is like... a person.

Or more specifically people are like God. Which ones? Well, to some degree, all of 'em.
That's probably part of why the whole Jesus thing worked.

Inspiration courtesy of Donald Miller, "Searching for God Knows What".

posted by Scott # 1:02 PM 1 comments

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

onion horoscope for the week

People are starting to wonder exactly how many times someone has to yell "Get Funky!" at you before you actually take the hint and do so.

posted by Scott # 9:17 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Creatively organizing chaotic thoughts

If I'm hearing Rob Bell correctly today (Velvet Elvis, Movement Seven) the question is whether I want to be perfect or good.

Good: dynamic, full of potential and the tendancy to grow and advance.

Perfect: having acheived full potential, static.

I think the choice is obvious, but I've been stuck wrestling for the last few days with the place where grace and perseverance meet. I would say I want to never be satisfied, but in a way that's a good definition of what hell is like. I want to be somewhere, but I don't want to be perfect.

People who think they're perfect really piss me off. They remind me too much of myself.

Then there's the fact that to be good is to be fundamentally aware of and OK with who I am, who I was made to be, which, technically I am not. I've realized how many times I've tried to reinvent myself and just found more me. The good side is that I keep finding how creative I can be. The unfortunate side is that I'm now a little confused about who I really am.

So here's Jacob again, wrestling with God in the night for a blessing. And the blessing is a question. Who are you?

I've answered that question so many ways. This morning the answer was I am a man who wants things to be the way God wants them. I want the arrogant to shut it. I want God to come and judge His enemy. But then I realize that what I need is for Him to search me and know me and renew me.

And the still, small voice of God speaks to me on the porch and says, "That sounds, just like David."

There's a blessing. Being compared, by God, to David.

Amen.

posted by Scott # 8:18 AM 0 comments