Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Someone else's sheep

When everything becomes so normal; when the island starts to just feel like a county; when you have a job behind a desk again; when you think about her a whole bunch it starts to feel less like a mission trip.

The other day it occurred to me that to many of the great missionaries, the amazing things they saw, the inspired things they did were part of their lives fitting into what they believed God wanted the world to look like. I imagine there were days when many amazing Jesus people doing amazing things didn't think much of what they did was that out of the ordinary. I suspect that there were days when just making sure that the flock was taken care of and the message stayed true in their walk meant a lot of tasks that didn't seem so inspired. I imagine book keeping. I imagine Stephen who was stoned for his testimony thinking that all he was doing was making sure that the widows had enough food.

Last week I had a very low point where I believed that by accepting a job that put me next to a phone and behind a desk meant that I was wasting God's gifts in my life. It turned into a full emotional breaking point and I had to rebuild. I'd discovered that my dream job of helping feed hungry people didn't actually look that glamorous. I guess I couldn't see how blessed I was. I guess I wasn't thankful for what I'd been given. I guess I thought I was signing up for a revolution.

There is, of course a point to be made that I did, in fact, sign up for a revolution. But this revolution doesn't feel like one... for anyone who was wondering.

Remember when Moses thought he was going to make a difference by vindicating an Israelite against an Egyptian?

Remember when Jacob thought he was going to fulfill God's promise by getting the birthright and the blessing?

Remember when they both ended up taking care of somebody else's sheep?

If I had to guess, I'd say that's where I am right now. I'm feeding someone else's sheep. We dream of a time where we fulfill our destiny just by getting up and driving to work. I'm very close, but it still takes a little bit more than that. I have to live certain parts of God calling for my life without getting paid for it. I guess that's how you find out if you really love doing something. You do it for free. You do so when it doesn't feel glamorous or extraordinary.

And I'm starting to like it.

posted by Scott # 3:09 AM

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