Thursday, May 17, 2007

classical

Tonight in the car ride, flipping radio stations, driving I suddenly realized I wasn't flipping stations anymore.

I was listening to classical music.

Perhaps not actually listening, but there I was paused on that one part of the radio dial that we all know about and none of us really talks about.

Tell me that you've never been fascinated that these radio announcers seem to be able to distinguish between Marchozi and Stradovous (names that may not actually exist in the realm of classical music). This is a skill.

As I said, I'd paused and -- really -- "paused" is the best word for it. But this isn't the first time I've paused on this part of the dial. It seems that every time that I'm mentally filled to the brim and in my car, I find myself on some station that has no words for many minutes at a time.

It's the closest you can get to silence without actually turning the radio off.

Once I realized what was hitting my ears and I realized it was part of a pattern I wondered if there might be some deep thoughts to draw out of it.

There are.

But I think sometimes my deep thoughts, especially in this forum, are disguises for the stories that made them. Many times, as raw as my journaling is it still isn't completely transparent.

I think somewhere in the drive two and from my parents house there are a few stories about how the sign on the back of a semi can be a spiritual warning or how good it feels not to try to race that Mustang in the left lane. There's probably something about how amazing it is that I could find myself tearfully worshiping God in a Keith Urban song, or for that matter Quietdrive's version of "Time After Time." There's all sorts of support for Romans chapter one (as if it needed support)

But right now I am dealing with the reality of stress and a lack of peace. There is almost no empty space. I know how valuable prayer is, yet I don't pray much at all. I'm realizing that I am addicted to money, not as success, but as the ability to be in control of my situation. I aware of anger and the fact that I really need to pause. I need some silence. I need the room I preach about.

My finger knows this. My ear knows this. They conspire against me and pause on classical stations.

posted by Scott # 10:37 PM

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