Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Creatively organizing chaotic thoughts

If I'm hearing Rob Bell correctly today (Velvet Elvis, Movement Seven) the question is whether I want to be perfect or good.

Good: dynamic, full of potential and the tendancy to grow and advance.

Perfect: having acheived full potential, static.

I think the choice is obvious, but I've been stuck wrestling for the last few days with the place where grace and perseverance meet. I would say I want to never be satisfied, but in a way that's a good definition of what hell is like. I want to be somewhere, but I don't want to be perfect.

People who think they're perfect really piss me off. They remind me too much of myself.

Then there's the fact that to be good is to be fundamentally aware of and OK with who I am, who I was made to be, which, technically I am not. I've realized how many times I've tried to reinvent myself and just found more me. The good side is that I keep finding how creative I can be. The unfortunate side is that I'm now a little confused about who I really am.

So here's Jacob again, wrestling with God in the night for a blessing. And the blessing is a question. Who are you?

I've answered that question so many ways. This morning the answer was I am a man who wants things to be the way God wants them. I want the arrogant to shut it. I want God to come and judge His enemy. But then I realize that what I need is for Him to search me and know me and renew me.

And the still, small voice of God speaks to me on the porch and says, "That sounds, just like David."

There's a blessing. Being compared, by God, to David.

Amen.

posted by Scott # 8:18 AM

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