Sunday, July 20, 2008

Learning by Doing

There's always those recurring thoughts that will string together the reflections and realizations of each day. We have them and often we dismiss them or altogether fail to notice them. I've been glancing over most of mine for a while. But thankfully for me one thought that came to me the other day is beyond my ability to be oblivious and still occasionally catches it's needle on a new thought.

It's the realization that each and every moment we read in scripture was at one time a very real moment just as genuine and tactile as the moment you are in right now. It was once just as real as the keys I'm touching right now.

And mere seconds before it was "real" each and every moment in scripture was nothing more than raw potential for something really amazing or something utterly ordinary and meaningless. It was a second in reality where the people you read about in the Bible and any great true story had to answer the question "what will I do?" or the even more interesting "Am I really about to do what I feel inside?"

How they answer the question often amazes us the first time we hear or read about it. Some of their answers give us tremendous joy. Some give us great sorrow. Some amazingly do both when we wonder if we could answer their questions the same way and with the same faith.

But I think after years of reading the Bible the thing that begins to amaze me about the scriptures is the fact (you have permission to call it a possibility if you aren't yet ready to call it a fact. It's not much less amazing if you do) that these real people would really make these faithful choices and do faithful things. I think of things such as cutting down pagan images or dousing altars and bulls in water and asking God to light them on fire or holding up their staff and watching a sea part. I also think of things such as forgiving people about to kill them or selling something, maybe even everything so that others could eat. I think of Jesus having to confine himself to his complete humanity and somehow choose to believe he could not only forgive sins, but also command crippled people to not be crippled anymore or deaf people to hear. To be restrained to a human mind and still take a step onto a raging sea or be forced to carry the instrument of His own torture without hurling one abusive word at his oppressors. If you believe He is fully human you have to understand how amazing of a power must be at work in Him to do any of these acts of faith.

But there is a responsibility that come with me realizing this. If men and women of God were in moments that are just as real as mine when they made choices of faith, does that mean that most of my moments are only as meaningless as they are because I'm not making choices of faith? It's scary because it takes away my excuses for not doing what my soul and His spirit keep telling me to do.

And for you too this could mean that you really don't have an excuse not to do something that you know right now you should to do. If you believe the Bible is real then you have to ask why things that resemble the Bible aren't happening in your life. Is there some theological explanation that has something to do with God deciding that He doesn't want to perform miracles anymore?

Let me ask it plainer. Did God decide to no longer does amazing things? Or did we decide that He was no longer going to do amazing things? Why would he decide that anyway and if He did how would He reconcile that with the fact that He would leave generations of us without hope.

If God hasn't changed His mind, are the stories of the Bible real. I realize that it would be a lot more convenient to say that the stories of the Bible are just fairy tales. I think this is the real reason atheism and agnosticism exist. It's far more convenient to say these are just morality tale than face the fact that we're responsible for bringing true good into the world and we haven't.

As I've said, I'm starting -- not to "believe" that the stories of the Bible are real -- but to understand that they are real. I'm gaining awareness that they always were real. I don't get a choice in the matter. My reality is becoming that Peter really walked on water and that means he really had to decide to put that leg over the side of that boat. It's no longer a question of faith for me, but a question of reality. But there's a difference between being aware enough to accept reality and believing God enough to act on reality.

The reason we are careful to pick up a rose is the thorn. The reason so few of us see the really beautiful waterfall is the life-threatening hike it takes to get there. The reason I don't see God at work in power is that I don't have the courage or the wisdom to let Him bring that power too close to me.

To say it plainly, I've been a coward. I avoid these things.

Look closely at the stories of God's amazing power in the Bible. Every miracle is surrounded and even birthed by demanding, hardship-laiden circumstances that most of us don't want to get involved with. Granted... ultimately we don't have a choice whether we get into that kind of circumstance and once we do, many of us reluctantly encounter God.

That's why it bothers me when I hear someone teach blessing and prosperity in such a way that ignores the things that surround blessing and prosperity. I'm thinking of things like suffering, sacrifice, patience and character. I hear it a lot of places and sadly sometimes people in the church. Pardon me if I'm extremely saddened and more than a little angered by that.

But, O, to have the courage to go straight into those places where God changes the world in front of me.

Last night as we studied Colossians 1, Ben shared an insight that fits on this string of thought. It seems that to the Hebrew mind you don't know something until you do it. In all of my years of study how much knowledge do I have that I've never really known by that standard of measure. How much of God's will do I fail to truly know because I don't obey the call of the Spirit within me forgiving a debtor, feeding a hungry person, helping a stranded motorist (or hitch-hiker) or gently correcting a friend in error.

I saw that thought again when I read Psalm 45:4 and the last part of the verse said, "Let Your right hand teach You awesome things." Many believe this Psalm foreshadows Christ so it's a little amazing to think that by doing His righteous works, Jesus -- from a human perspective -- was learning things as He walked towards the end of His life that taught Him how faithful His father would be as He laid down His life.

I've also been noticing that the first person killed for belief in Christ (after Jesus Himself) was a guy who was put in charge of making sure all the widows got food. Anybody else notice this. Is it possible that Steven learned something from that obedience which enabled Him to say what He said and got Him killed. It fascinates me because 1) Steven's job was a lot like mine and 2) I've felt for a long time like it would be a shame for me to die of old age and "natural causes."

I feel within me that I'm going to someday die for my faith. At least I hope so. And I don't think it's going to be for preaching the Four Spiritual Laws. The gospel I've seen sold around here (i.e. the American Church) seems so unlikely to get a man killed. I've been asking why they really wanted to kill Jesus for a while. Not the theological concepts of why He had to die according to prophecy, but why would the leadership of Jesus' religion want Him dead so bad. And I think, like Steven, my understanding of the answer to that question is going to come by doing. The "it" I'll have to do is yet to be seen.

I have a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson courtesy of my friend Brook that says "Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." I just remembered that as I was writing this. I guess God's been waiting a long time for me to notice all this stuff together. I guess it's time to ask what I need to be learning by putting my faith in action.

For starters: One thing I realized while writing this is that the Bible says a lot more about correcting one another than we do. It's a big step of faith for me. The proverbs and the Gospels -- like Matthew 18:5 -- talk a lot about correcting people. But that reminds me of Psalm 2:3? (Actually I just did a google search for "let us throw of their chords psalms" and my own website came up. Hah! I guess I've thought about this before.) I can see how correcting people may have contributed to Jesus death. I can see also how that would be a good thing for me to learn to do (gently and with humility and love of course)

So, dear reader, what's your next step? What do you need to learn by doing?

posted by Scott # 3:46 AM 1 comments

Monday, April 07, 2008

a judge

The Judge imagery stood out to me twice today as I read. (Someone also mentioned Judge Dredd last night in a game, but...) It was in Psalm 1 which was cross-referenced to Psalm 9:6,8,16 and it was also in Isaiah 2.

When I read the portion in Psalms I realized that I always think of the high and lofty mid-evil idea of a king/judge in an inner court. You can kind of imagine the stone walled, drafty, tapestry, playing card bearded king imagery, right. But it also occurred to me that this wouldn't have been the image that came to mind for the Psalmist. What I understand that he would have pictured was a man who had exhibited character that all the people respected and followed like a noble-minded man who'd taken his life to a level above and beyond. He was someone that represented their values and they let him decide for them. And this person with his good friends and wise counselors would stand at the gate and guard what came in and out.

In other words I started to see this judge as a presence in the day to day life of the people he judged.

And in Isaiah the mention of God as a Judge is preceded by talking about how the entire world would flock to Zion because there would be a Judge there. Words like righteous come to mind, but what really stuck out to me is that these people would make treks from all over the world to experience this. Much like we take our modern day walk-abouts to find ourselves and seek truth and beauty in the world the idea of this passage seems to be that people would take that kind of journey to seek out a good righteousness in Jerusalem. The would say to themselves, somethings missing in my life and this thing or that thing isn't right, but -- and I don't know why -- I need to go to Jerusalem because they seem to have it there.

The last few days I've been hearing in my head "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end leads to death," which is a paraphrase of a proverb stated twice, first in Proverbs 14:12 and then in Proverbs 16:25. At first I thought that was a distraction because a week ago I heard that passage it really bothered me. I don't remember why. Maybe I thought it was misapplied. I think also I didn't like to consider what it might say about me. Whatever the reason I was starting to interpret it as sometimes we have the wrong idea and in my head a hearty, "but sometimes we are right."

I was holding onto that being right.

If I may defend the logic, I needed to see it as possible as sometimes we're right because of my past with thinking that people use religion to try to force us into their idea of what it means to be good. (yes that is a run-on sentence) I needed to think that it's possible for me to be wise and have good character because Jesus seems to think that's possible of people. He sees it in the disciples at certain times and he even sees it in Roman centurions (Matthew 8:5-13), tax collectors (Luke 19:1-10 and consider that Zaccheus translates to innocent, pure, clean or just) and Jewish teachers (Mark 12:28-34) who correctly interpret the two greatest commandments.

But evidently I didn't want to think that maybe I'd also gotten off the track of God being my judge. I didn't want a Judge. Psalm 2:3 talks about people trying to throw off "their" chords or fetters and there's only one psalmist writing at a time so I assume one of the chords they are trying to throw off is God's. This is where I realize I feel more like the unrighteous people in the the story than I do the writer.

The thought of "a way that seems right but leads to death" wouldn't leave. The distraction didn't stop distracting. And maybe that's why the idea of a judge was something that I couldn't skip past this morning.

Another thought that has thankfully also been in my head a lot lately is "without humility and honesty, nothing new happens." (From "Everything Belongs" p. 48 by Richard Rohr. So, why not shake my world a little bit consider this: a judge that people want.

I sighed with such relief at that thought. Imagine a judge with whom the wicked don't get to stand and don't get to be part of the judgment of the righteous. Imagine not having to fear fruit of a false accusation. The sigh of relief is that maybe there's a wise judge that I can go see when I feel overwhelmed or oppressed or when my life seems incomplete or when I feel accused of not fitting into something I wasn't supposed to anyway. Maybe there's a judge that I would want to travel from all over the world to go find because I might finally get an answer that satisfies.

It's a crazy idea, but what if?

The book of Judges, while a bit depressing at times tells story after story of Israel getting away from having a judge only to find out that a judge is exactly what they need.

I share this because there are a lot of seekers out there. There are a lot of people who aren't satisfied by the answers we've given in the name of our religion. It seems almost cliche to bring it up again, but the wounded are still out there looking. But my hope is that if you are really seeking you will keep seeking until you find what is true. One way you might paraphrase John 7:16-18 is that Jesus says "if you really want to know God; if you really want to know the truth you will accept what I say because I'm not saying it on My own. I'm saying it because I have to and I want to; because God sent me to say it." I believe that if you are truly seeking you will find the living God of the psalmist, of Isaiah; the God of the Bible; the God and Father of Jesus and you'll want Him to judge your life and lead you on a way that doesn't seem right yet lead to death.

posted by Scott # 5:50 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Someone else's sheep

When everything becomes so normal; when the island starts to just feel like a county; when you have a job behind a desk again; when you think about her a whole bunch it starts to feel less like a mission trip.

The other day it occurred to me that to many of the great missionaries, the amazing things they saw, the inspired things they did were part of their lives fitting into what they believed God wanted the world to look like. I imagine there were days when many amazing Jesus people doing amazing things didn't think much of what they did was that out of the ordinary. I suspect that there were days when just making sure that the flock was taken care of and the message stayed true in their walk meant a lot of tasks that didn't seem so inspired. I imagine book keeping. I imagine Stephen who was stoned for his testimony thinking that all he was doing was making sure that the widows had enough food.

Last week I had a very low point where I believed that by accepting a job that put me next to a phone and behind a desk meant that I was wasting God's gifts in my life. It turned into a full emotional breaking point and I had to rebuild. I'd discovered that my dream job of helping feed hungry people didn't actually look that glamorous. I guess I couldn't see how blessed I was. I guess I wasn't thankful for what I'd been given. I guess I thought I was signing up for a revolution.

There is, of course a point to be made that I did, in fact, sign up for a revolution. But this revolution doesn't feel like one... for anyone who was wondering.

Remember when Moses thought he was going to make a difference by vindicating an Israelite against an Egyptian?

Remember when Jacob thought he was going to fulfill God's promise by getting the birthright and the blessing?

Remember when they both ended up taking care of somebody else's sheep?

If I had to guess, I'd say that's where I am right now. I'm feeding someone else's sheep. We dream of a time where we fulfill our destiny just by getting up and driving to work. I'm very close, but it still takes a little bit more than that. I have to live certain parts of God calling for my life without getting paid for it. I guess that's how you find out if you really love doing something. You do it for free. You do so when it doesn't feel glamorous or extraordinary.

And I'm starting to like it.

posted by Scott # 3:09 AM 0 comments

Monday, March 17, 2008

20-some photos

Last night I took 20-some pictures of a sunset. I saw the sunset happening. Cindy Lu, our driver sped through the trees looking for a vista to catch it from and when we got out, I grabbed my camera and bracketed, zoomed and panned to try to catch in ones and zeros what my eyes were seeing.

And I was a bit frustrated.

I've become a bit jaded to the sunset in Maui because of this frustration. Out here they have a certain character and most will have this beautiful combination of mauve-grey-purple against a vibrant orange and -- in one small area -- a band of cyan that, compared to all the other colors, looks green. It's every bit as hard to capture in a jpg file as it is to describe in words. But that's the "Maui Brand™" sunset and it happens more days than it doesn't. It's a beautiful sunset and I spend most of my sunset viewing time thinking about how I can't capture it on film.

But this isn't about sunsets. It's about my emotions. I haven't had many lately. A few moments of intense release. Many moons of anxiety about money. A lot of weariness. In general emotions that are seldom about now. Occasionally I have those moments where a bubble of realization rises up and I think "Awesome. I am on an island in the middle of the Pacific." Every so often I realize that I'm living exactly the kind of life that I'd hoped I'd live. But now that I am I realize that I don't do much to enjoy it.

In the first week of January 2008 became the year of the Joy Project. I like the irony in making joy a goal or a project, but it sounds a little absurd to me. Joy, the most spontaneous and sometimes fleeting of emotions... as a goa?. But yes, for me, this year I'm going to become a more joyful, grace-giving and perseverant person.

...even if it kills me

I returned to Kalamazoo a few weeks ago to visit my family and as I did I had an opportunity to talk to some lovely folks back home and I started to appreciate that God has made happen all sorts of things that I could only have hoped were His will a year ago. I made the move. I have a place to live. I've experience reliance on Him in new and unexpected ways. Now I'm starting a job that is exactly what I've wanted to do and what I've felt like He's wanted me to do for several years.

But the trip home was the first time in a while that I'd let myself be present enough to understand that. It's a realization also that's proven difficult to hold onto because there are so many things to deal with that I often find myself thinking about everything but. My thoughts and emotions don't seem to be in very good alignment with what's actually going on right now.

A coworker who practices Zen said once that too many people live lives governed by their emotions and the goal is to transcend those. But I've been getting further and further from my emotions and I miss them. They help me a lot when they're working right. Lately it's only my intellect that tells me things are good and often only after the fact. I don't feel moments much. So, I want my emotions. I just want them to be more right for what's really going on instead of what I think is or will be going on.

So when a beautiful sunset is going on, I'd really like to be thinking about more than trying to take pictures.

I took 20-some pictures of a sunset because I wanted to "capture a moment". Sometimes I think that's more a way of saying save this moment for later.

But it's happening now, isn't it.

Will I enjoy it later if I don't enjoy it now?

I took 20-some pictures of a sunset because I'm not ready for it right now.

I took 20-some pictures of a sunset because I want others to see what I'm seeing.

But they aren't here and photos don't do justice to that little hint of cyan. Of course, I know that because I was there.

I took 20-some pictures of a sunset because it's beautiful. That's all. Just beautiful.

I do feel good about this, but are photos the best way to enjoy beauty?

I took 20-some pictures of a sunset because I could. Because I did have friends with me willing to stop. Even wanting to stop. And I had a camera.

I took 20-some pictures of a sunset and I started to write about it. Writing about it made me think that maybe my life is a little out of balance. Realizing that kept me going a little longer on the 2008 Joy Project. And somewhere down the road I guess I realize that the reason that I took 20-some pictures of a sunset is bigger than I really know how to explain; that somehow it has something to do with eternity.

posted by Scott # 1:08 AM 0 comments

Saturday, November 03, 2007

At the right time

I'm staying on the other side of the island this week with a clear view directly facing Molokai. This is a smaller island about 8 miles across a shallow channel. Molokai is perhaps best known for hosting a leper colony.

The timing of when I read scripture seldom seems coincidental. If I think about it I almost don't believe it could be. But the truth is that too often I don't think about it. I havent' for a while.

But today one of the first stories I read was in Luke 5 where a man with leprosy came to Jesus and said, "Lord, if you are willing you can make me clean."

That's seeming less and less coincidental.

What I do love about that story is that Jesus so immediately says, "I am willing" and the man is healed. In fact it's in a section where Jesus is doing amazing works of the power of God with almost no delay. He just brought a boat-sinking catch to self-professed sinful men. After the leper He heals a paralytic in front of Pharisees. It wasn't common for Him to heal in front of that audience. He had no hesitations about eating with tax collectors and sinners before they converted.

It's a stretch of scripture about Jesus expressing the Father's eagerness to get involved. It's a collection of stories of Jesus not waiting until people are ready for Him.

And I have to wonder how our friends on Molokai would feel about this story. If they might be wanting some of that immediacy and wondering where Jesus was around them; wanting some of His disciples to do "greater works than these."

Part of what makes this seem so non-coincidental to me is that yesterday I heard Erwin McMannus tell the story of Moses leaving in a detail I never noticed before. That detail is that one of the miracles that God performed to convince Moses was to stick his hand into his clothing. When Moses did he pulled his hand out to find that it was white with leprosy. This, according to Erwin, revealed physically to Moses, what he already felt inside.

I'm sure there are many reasons for him feeling the way He did. Not least of which, he had tried to defend an Israelite and killed an Egyptian, becoming a murderer and running in exile to the wilderness. Here I think he gave up on any kind of future. And here God met with him a burning bush and all sorts of ways of trying to convince Moses that he had a future liberating Israel.

If anything, this encounter with the God of all his ancestors seems to have made him feel less and less ready for God to work.

But according to God it was time.

In the past I felt God's presence most when I felt like every passage of scripture I read was perfect for the day. It gave me the energy and the interest to get involved with scripture (or more accurately to let it get involved with me). It's been a while since that has happened. I've been trying to get to a point where I'm ready for that, but it's felt pretty far off.

I guess for God it's time.

p.s. the series Erwin McManus is preaching right now is about living and "original life" and what I've heard so far is about the varieties of callings and the varieties of crisis that God wants us to get involved in so that He can show the world He's involved in it through His royal priesthood. I recommend listening to the series podcasts. It's at iTunes and www.mosaic.org.

posted by Scott # 3:10 PM 0 comments